Thursday, November 10, 2016

20 Question That Reveals Your Identity

If you're a 90's kid, you'll remember back in the Myspace days (or early Facebook?) where we'd fill out a ton of questionnaires and pass it on to people, because it's fun to learn things about ourselves and our friends.

Today, I bumped into 20 questions online that supposedly reveals your identity and the type of person you are. In general, my life is an open book. I like to keep fun things about myself public, unless it is something very personal that should be kept classified :)

I am pretty ecstatic to fill this in and share with the world who I am as a person, especially now in the grim aftermath of the American presidential election. It's so important to remember who you are and what makes you special--regardless of what might change in the next 4 years.

Here goes!

** pink font for TLDR.

1. What’s your life motto, or philosophy you live by? 

My life motto is "you never know until you try. If you don't ask, you'll never get what you want." 

I am not the type of person who leaves my destiny to fate. There is no hoping or wishing for something to happen, you have to go out and make it happen. While fate may play a part on who you cross paths with, it is up to you to write your own story.

Have a job you're interested in? Ask. Have a guy you're crushing on who you think might possibly like you back? Ask. Is someone mad at you? Ask. I don't believe in stressing yourself out about what people think without actually asking them personally, or assuming the worst which then causes unnecessary drama. The world would be much better if you communicate. You will get what your heart desires when you voice it out. 

I believe this is why I'm meant to be a communication major. It truly intrigues me what motivates people to think the way they do. 
2. What’s your favorite thing about yourself?
I believe this relates to my motto. I'm a go-getter. I'm that person who would have dreams so big that I'd literally jump on a plane and fly 8000 miles away from home to chase after that dream. (<-- this actually happened!).

I may be small, standing at only 4'10" tall-- but I want to change the world for the better. One little step at a time, one smile at a time. I want to be someone who inspires, someone who makes people smile and feel like they can always do better, regardless of their circumstance. After all, the only thing stopping you from what you want is not other people, it's your belief in yourself.
3. Do you follow a religion or spiritual practice?
I believe in God, yes, but I also do believe that religion separates. It's like telling you to choose a team, and then ganging up on other teams because suddenly you're better than everyone else. Yet every religion just teaches you to follow a set of guidelines to be a good person. If we all just try to be good, decent human beings and accept eachother regardless of what their spiritual beliefs are, I think we can create a more loving and understanding world. 
No more doing hateful acts and saying "This is for Allah!" "This is for Jesus!". Always thank God for the things you achieve in life, but never, NEVER perform discriminatory acts and use it in the name of God. I guess that's what I believe in. 
4. What was the best time of your life?
To be honest, I believe the best time of my life was in Grade 12, back in my Canadian school in 2011/2012. That was where I learnt so much about who I was, who I wanted to surround myself with and for the first time in my life, had the biggest support system.

For my parents who chose the perfect education they thought I'd be happiest in,
for my friends who's stayed by my side even today after we've all separated to different parts of the world for college,
for my family who's always been proud of me,
and all the skills I've learnt from my teachers that shaped my interest and skills in video production and communication to this very day.
Also, to the guy I met who changed my life, who taught me how to love and to care for someone more than I do myself. We've been together and still going strong for 5 years now.

I will never forget <3 2012 was the best year of my life! I am truly, truly thankful.
5. What was the worst thing that ever happened to you?
This is easy. I believe the worst thing that's ever happened in my life was back in Fall 2015. Lorenzo Apartments. It was fairly recent, to be honest. It was the year I got accepted into my dream school USC, but it was also the worst because I moved into Lorenzo, a dorm affliating themselves with USC, but isn't actually by USC.

I had an emotional trauma and suffered depression from mean roommates because of Lorenzo's money-making mindset. At the time, I didn't know anyone from USC and moved to Lorenzo because I wanted to be able to make friends since you had to be a USC student to live there. However, Lorenzo promoted a culture where the roommates can bully you into paying $450-$500 to the management if you wanted to move to a different unit. This benefits them because your previous roommate would be left with the entire supposed shared room to themselves while only paying half the rent still. 
**This story will be long because I'm ultra passionate when I talk about it-- but feel free to skip on to the next question!
My story is.. they matched me with the wrong person on purpose when I clearly wrote on the questionnaire that I was clean, all three of the roommates I've been paired with were dirty slobs.

1. The first one told me I'd get a third roommate aka her boyfriend who lives there illegally without the lease--she talked about smoking a lot and partying a lot and just made it and overall uncomfortable situation. 
2. The second one was hippie-dippy and walked around half naked with boobs the size of my head. Her bed would be piled with boxes, trash and half eaten food, that she ends up sleeping in the living room. She'd turn on her music so loud, and type on her phone without it being on silent and laugh out loud by herself at 2 am in the morning with the lights on, even if I've turned it off to sleep. She'd pile up the plates and 
3. Which then moved me to my third roommate, who was by far the worst. She was bipolar and crazy. She wouldn't tell people her name, and wouldn't talk to anyone. She'd sit in her own little corner and listen to horror movies late into the night, not allowing me to sleep with her bright lamp shone against my face. She'd set little traps in the room and threatened to sue me for every little thing I touch (e.g. turning off her alarm when she was in the bathroom). Speaking of the bathroom, have I said that she'd run to the bathroom when my alarm rings for me to wake up, and stay in there for 3 hours causing me to be late to school? She'd do weird things like push all of our food in the fridge to the side leaving an empty space (what is the reason for this?), practiced witchcraft and left weird smelling cups of water underneath my bed when I'm not home, steal things, eat our food. Yup. She was a big bully and this wasn't even half the things she's done. She's had murderous tendencies, which caused me to want to put cameras in my room. Our apartment mediator told me to tread carefully when talking to her because apparently she'd bipolar-- well then WHY WOULD YOU MOVE ME INTO HER UNIT IN THE FIRST PLACE??

That was the worst year because I'd go to school at 8am and stay till 2am because I was afraid to go home. I planned to join more clubs in school but didn't because I was scared all USC students would be mean to me. I missed the deadline to join sororities and it seemed like everyone had their own group of friends. I got clingy with my friends from my previous school and was crying everyday because I couldn't go home. I even had to talk to a therapist. I lost a lot of money that year trying to get out of my lease, it left a huge dent in my education funds and had to take big loans this year to finish USC.The repercussions so big that it carries on to this present day.

It was a very difficult time for me, but I am thankful that because of that, I have my own apartment and amazing friends that are nice and supportive. They helped me get out of that funk the second I moved out. It really goes to show that things will have to spiral before they get better. Things have to be horrible before you appreciate what you have or will receive in life after the rain.

And if you're going through a tough time, I need to remind you that you are always loved by someone, somewhere. You are not alone. You never are, never were and never will be. Never give up. (Plus it couldn't be any worse than what I had to face!)
6. What’s your biggest dream?
To be completely honest, I've always wanted to be a YouTuber. I wanted to film myself, and edit videos that are fun. I wanted to let my voice be heard for positivity, and this was the easiest platform I could think of to get there. Now don't get me wrong, my motivation is not to be famous like a Kardashian, but merely so I can spread more positivity and creativity in a world that I believe needs constant reminding of kindness and being good.

Being in LA has definitely been a great exposure to the world of social media, just like how I've always hoped. However, life got in the way and I was a full time student and just never quite had the time to make videos like I intended to.

Somewhere between the depression from Lorenzo, I also lost sight of what I wanted in this world. I put all my efforts into going through the motions so I can graduate and finally apply to BuzzFeed and make videos for a living. But now that I am better, I realize that I shouldn't leave my fate in the hands of going to school and looking forward for Friday's. I should start today.
Every day is another opportunity to take classes that makes me feel excited to go to school. Yeah I may have had a huge bump in the road, but it isn't yet the end. If I want this and if I wanted to truly be happy doing it, I should not make excuses and actually start today. 
Kind of why I'm re-posting in this blog, I guess? Got to start somewhere! 
7. What did you want to be when you were a kid?
I wanted to be a princess. However my reason is not super generic, to wear pretty dresses and have a prince come save me. That's not it. My definition of being a princess when I was younger is ruling a country, kind of like a president would. I wanted to be the voice of reason, I wanted pink buildings and for more people to love cats. And for what it's worth, I still do. I still am a dreamer and a visionary (minus the pink buildings!)

Halloween is my favorite holiday. and I still like playing dress-up. Every year, my favorite costume is still to be a princess. I was both Belle from Beauty and the Beast and Princess Anna from Frozen this year. I also window shop tiaras at Disneyland's Main Street for the fun of it. I probably wouldn't pay $40 for it though ^_^
8. What was/is your biggest accomplishment?
Mm, I believe it's the fact that I'm a staff volunteer for Anime Expo. I grew up watching anime, although I wouldn't exactly call myself a weeb. I admit I don't know every single anime that exists, and if you asked me something other than what was mainstream, I'd probably say I don't know it. However, I felt like, as someone with no experience and no contacts whatsoever, I was surprised to even get a callback. From there, I found not just a rekindled passion, but also a family who supports and loves me. I've stayed with them for three years, and oooh if I could make this my permanent job, I definitely would.

So to find something quite like them, with a little more permanence, I looked into Nickelodeon. I love cartoons, and it just seemed like the perfect place to do an internship. Who knows if I'm lucky I might not only be a YouTuber someday but also work with Nickelodeon. That would literally be the dream! 
9. Why do you think we’re all here?
I believe our purpose is to keep each other company. I could think of it and contemplate for hours, but let's be honest. Humans thrive on interaction. I believe we are all here to love and support one another. And from there, to bounce ideas off eachother and that is how our civilization was born. The human empire was made. It hasn't stopped, and it will keep going throughout our generation. That's why we have so many intelligent people today :)
10. What was your best relationship?
I respect all my relationships equally. I even had an almost relationship before my current one that is very dear to me. But if you asked me which is best, it definitely would be my present relationship. There's a reason we've been together this long! While we have a lot of disagreements and sometimes I wonder if we're compatible with our different views on everything, but there is a reason we've been together this long. Our differences compliments the other.

Do you believe in horoscopes? I'm an air sign, which means I dream a lot. He's an earth sign, so he makes me grounded when I fly too high. He brings me home when I get lost. He's my pillar when I feel like breaking, as is he my pillar when I'm not strong. And while people think our signs may not be compatible, it just goes to show how strong we are that we've lasted this long, over religious differences and long distance, but also the fact that we're at different points of our lives. All the difficulties that we've defied together makes this relationship so, so special to me!
11. If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?
I think it's for more people to educate themselves. Because with education comes love, empathy and compassion. It is without education that people act uncivilized and I feel like optimistic and positive people with all around good vibes are so so important for the world to grow! 
12. Do you like your job? If not, what would you like to do instead?
If you count Anime Expo and event planning my job, yes. I love it. Completely! But I also get to be a student in my dream school. USC used to be just an unreachable dream for a girl from a small bean shaped country across the globe. While it had it's turmoils in the beginning, I stood my ground like a trooper. Being here makes me feel so thankful for our strong Trojan pride and connections. One time, I got to park at a $20 parking lot in Downtown LA for free, just because I was wearing a USC sweater. I'm so, so happy. I did it, Ma! :D

13. What are your favorite hobbies?
Playing video games. Pondering life, reflecting on my actions and decisions and trying to think of ways to be a better me everyday. <-- deep! Yelping places for food. Hanging out with my friends. Petting my cat? Editing videos and brainstorming ideas. Why do people get too lazy to brainstorm? It literally is a game to me. I love it! 
14. If money was no object, what would you do in life?
I'd build a house for cats next to my house, and save as many feral cat's lives as I possibly can. Everybody loves dogs, but people don't often think about cats that also need love. Especially when they're older and may have been tainted by previous owners and aren't cute like kittens anymore. People often associate cats with being mean, fat and hissy. But with proper care, they are honestly the most lovable creatures. Plus they're relatively a lot easier to take care of. If I could save them all, I would! Call me crazy cat lady! =^w^=

P.S. this is besides giving my fam a good life, but really, isn't that everybody's dream with money? I'm trying to be original ^_^
15. Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
I'm not sure. Maybe, without ever intending to. But I always make my intentions clear and don't lead people on. I feel like I tend to get my own heart broken trying to make people happy rather than the other way round. But that is okay. It's made me stronger, and showed me that I know how to love. Getting your heart broken is another lesson learnt and it is what teaches you that you have the capacity to love deeply :) <3
16. What are you thankful for?
Ooh, I've accidentally answered this above ^ 
17. What do you wish people understood more about you?
Most of the time, as much as I am friendly, it takes a while for someone to get into my bubble. But once they are, we can stop talking for a long time, but it doesn't change what they mean to me. I wear rose-tinted glasses most of the time for the people in my bubble. So if I was really busy, please don't think that I'm ignoring you on purpose. I'm not a great multi-tasker, so I tend to put 100% in a project and forget that I have texts unanswered until I'm done with whatever I was up to.
18. If you could turn back time and do anything differently, would you?
Right now with Trump winning, as much as I am so proud and have achieved so much here in America, I don't know if I still have a place. I've made great friends that I know will last a lifetime, yet I wonder had I followed my Canadian education path, would my future still be uncertain like it is now? Would they call a student with big dreams something so discriminatory like "just another immigrant, a legal alien?" just because of their international status? Shouldn't that be looked up upon, someone with a global educational background? 
I just want to be accepted for who I am, and not be rejected because of my roots or where I came from. I'm proud of being a Malaysian. I don't need to be a citizen, I just want good vibes. I want people to see and love me for who I am and how hard I work for what I have, and not just put me a box and categorize me based on where I come from. You may have grown up in Missouri, but you moved to Los Angeles and now you call yourself an Angelino for years later. What's the difference?

I guess that's my current regret. Not knowing if I'm worth something more the longer I'm here. To be fearful of the newly appointed leader of my favorite country that I've grown to love and have been so proud of. Would I have had a better life in Canada or Malaysia? California is still so accepting, but what about visa issues with America in general to stay in California? In a flash, why do I feel like an outsider overnight? Before this, I'll be completely honest. I had no regrets. Now I just have so many questions I can't answer. And neither can anybody else.
19. What’s the craziest, or most exciting thing you’ve ever done?
Ah, so many!! But I think it must be traveling and all the adventures to all the new places. I can't list it all right now, but there's just so many I can barely choose! Probably when I won first runner-up for a Just Dance competition at PMX--an event I went to alone back in 2014 without knowing anyone. I went in headfirst and didn't just win a competition, but I also won friends I still keep to this day. Going somewhere you've always wanted to alone isn't always a bad idea. I've learnt that multiple times throughout college!
20. What do you think about most often?
I feel like I've answered this already :)

Saturday, April 25, 2015


Lately I feel like I've been bombarded with insecurities.
Call it that time of the month, but I'm sure things like this don't only occur to me, but to everybody on a daily basis.
And I just want to say, that it's completely normal.

We all want some form of validation, some form of acceptance, especially when it comes from the people we really care about. This is why it's important to be kind, understanding and choose the right friends that will support you and have your back through the good and the bad.

Friends who love you, laugh with you, but know when to tell you off when you're being a bitch so they can put you in your place.
Friends who give you a shoulder to lean on without being judgmental when you need to cry, and give constructive unbiased advice when you ask for it,
and at the very least share a listening ear when you don't want to hear it and just need to vent.
Someone who doesn't make you feel alone when you're in a room full of people,
Someone who allows you to be yourself.

I have always been the type of person that's generally pretty friendly. I get along with people easily, but it doesn't necessarily mean I trust them with everything that I have. It's not that I'm saying you shouldn't be too trusting, but being naive like that gets you nowhere.

Yes, I am telling you to be picky with who you're friends with.

You don't need anybody who allows you to spiral downwards, because the people who love you will always want the best for you to see you smile. Even when they know you're wrong and being stubborn, instead of getting annoyed or irritated; they'll tell you like it is, but if they KNOW that's what truly makes you happy, they'll be your backbone and support system that will never shake no matter what.

That is when you know you've found the perfect friend(s).

And honestly it's not that hard to find that friend, if you can be that said person yourself.

We need to always see the good in people. Because we're all equal parts good and bad.
But it makes things so much better if we try to understand the reasons people do what they do, or say what they say. Just because your opinions are different, doesn't make either any less valid than the other.

You are beautiful, you are special, and you are unique, so comparing yourself to anybody else,
or focusing on their strengths and emphasizing your weakness is just gonna hamper the rainbow that is in you.

Don't let anyone tell you you're not the red skittle in a bag of rainbows or the pink power ranger, if that's what you choose to be.
Never be bullied into silence, never think that your opinions don't matter.
You are not a shadow, you are that unique individual, the strong sperm that won.

You are special and you can be whoever you want to be.
The only person that should challenge you is yourself, and how you can better improve your OWN strengths to be the best version of yourself that you can possibly be.
You exist, and you're alive. That in itself is something to be thankful for already.

And when you feel low,
Always remember,

You are important.
You matter.

And always know that somebody out there will always love you no matter what you decide to do with your life.

You are loved.

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Who's Your Ride or Die?

It's me again.

I'm a little rusty at writing and this may not be my best piece, but I have been thinking about something.

I know that I usually say that I am my own person, with my own morals and principles. I don't usually put too much weight on what people think to make my own decisions because as long as what I'm doing feels right to me and it makes me happy, I think I'm set.

As I get older and see more of the world, I tend to overlook all the other people who's been there in my life from way back when. The ones who used to be my closest friends, my confidantes and the ones that I know will always have my back even as time and distance separates us.

It only took one question to make me rethink everything.
"What's in the future for you? Where do you plan to settle down?"
I know this is unrelated to that question, but it made me contemplate my whole life WHAT exactly it was that's most important in my life.
Was it love? A united family? Lots of money? Friendships that last a lifetime? A plausible career?

Now while all the social interactions listed above go hand in hand, but there's bound to be one that's most important to everyone.

And for me (sorry Mom I love you!), but it's the friendships that I have.

Now before you think I'm being irrational (since blood is thicker than water, love keeps you alive, money gains you power and your job is what stays with you forever etc), hear me out.

Being in my 20s, I've accumulated a great deal of friends from everywhere. Here, 8000 miles away, from school, the little tutoring center I used to frequent, college, work. There are friends I talk to everyday, friends I have only because its convenient, friends I love but have stopped talking to due to time constraint and distance and let's face it, it gets harder and harder to keep friends when life and priorities get in the way.

But let me ask you this.

Who are your REAL friends?

While we all have friends that can be there for us rain or shine, the ones we see everyday and may be part of our daily routine (or as I'd like to call it- the "convenient" friends), only you can decide who actually means the most to you.

I want you to think of a friend. Any friend. Let's imagine the same friend moved to a different country, would you still be close friends? Would their opinions still mean something to you? When you have something you need to let off your chest, does talking to them uplift your spirits and at least make you decide what to do with a bit more clarity (no biasness, no judgement)?

A true best friend is the one with whom you can meet up with after years of not talking and instead of simply "catching up" and updating them on your lives, it's so easy to hold a conversation and before you know it, it's like nothing's ever changed.

They still vividly remember your irrational love for chicken rice, the things you always shout when you get on a road rage and how you break out into a mini rave in your car just 5 minutes after, how you poke holes into your egg yolk to make sure the soy sauce soaks through, that's-what-she-said inside jokes that never get old, how you love your men with sideswept bangs, to the way you let out a little giggle before or after every sentence.

They're the ones who know your most disgusting habits and instead of judge you for it, they encourage you that yes, you do deserve to sneak out of your parents' house on a weekday night when you're heartbroken and feeling lost and yes, burping out loud and breaking out into a musical at an Apple store is very necessary :)

They still know what makes you laugh, what makes you tick, how to push all your buttons and remember the tiniest little details that make you, well, you- despite how much older you've grown or all the new experiences you now have.

Because let's be honest, do we ever feel ourselves changing? We're all the same people, just with new environments and priorities. But it doesn't mean we're not the same people on the inside.

And when life gets hard, who are your numero uno people to go to for moral support? The ones who you know will have your back no matter how far time and distance separates you? The ones who truly know what's best for you?

The best friendships do not always come easy. I'm guilty of having my own little bubble and misleading people into thinking they mean more to me than they really do, but as I like to say, the ones who persist and manage to get in my bubble are the friends I trust for life. They're the ones who I'll always look up to and love no matter how far life takes me. This is why to impress me, you gotta make sure my friends love you first ;)

Friendships also take maintenance. It's easy to take them for granted once life gives you new priorities and things to worry about, but I'm the type of person who'd rather save my friends than save money because at the end of the day, everything we do in life is to be happy. And while money can't buy happiness, my best friends make me richer than everybody else.

And this is why, my handful of significant best friends will always be my top priority. More than my lover, more than money, more than school. As I mention this, can you think of your friends who are now basically family?

Who are your ride or dies? 

I have found mine, and I hope that you have too.

And to my best friends, whether I've posted a picture of you here or not,
I love you. Thank you for being in my life and making this cruel beautiful world just that much easier to live in.


Sunday, November 30, 2014

What Are You Really In Love With?

We have all been in love with what could be instead of what exists right in front of us. It’s a hard concept for some of us to realize and sometimes, it is even tougher to let go of that concept because it becomes so real in our lives.

In my last relationship, I never realized the type of love my boyfriend and I really had. I thought we had the passion — that connection everyone dreams to have —, but looking back, I realize that false image was holding me onto a love that was not fulfilling my needs. I was in love with what could be instead of what really was.

I loved the idea of what we could be because my boyfriend sometimes revealed small glimpses of an amazing potential relationship, even though about 80 percent of the time, it was not a positive experience. I fell in love with the idea of those glimpses. I imagined that if he just did this or if he just changed that, everything would align and be perfect.

Two years later, I found myself still in love with those ideas, with more and more tears because it never became what could have been.

I told my friends about the simple things he did to show he cared. Since they were rare, when they happened, I wanted to prove that I had a great guy, regardless of what they thought. In reality, those little things should have happened regardless; they should not have been rare.

In a way, I was trying to prove that my friends were wrong about my boyfriend and simultaneously convince myself that I was right about him, too. I was trying to justify staying with a guy I loved, despite the fact that he only showed that he loved me part-time.

If you ever find yourself justifying your man’s actions or not wanting to share the truth about things he has said or done, chances are, you are in love with his could-bes. If you cling to every good thing he does until he does something else nice or brag-worthy, chances are you are in love with the “could be.”

I think that at least at one point in our lives, we all find a connection with someone who makes us feel something special, so we stay. But, we stay for all the wrong reasons and sometimes, it is only because of what could have been.

When we love someone, it is so easy for us to ignore what is missing and hold on to what is there or what could be there. It is our nature to want to see the best in people, and being in a relationship is no different. In fact, relationships may make that natural response even worse.

The love of what could have been is something that blindsides so many of us. You will not understand this concept until you finally realize one day that maybe, what you have been dealing with is just not for you anymore.

This is hard to realize because in the presence of intermittent “good stuff,” it can feel like a premature failure. You truly believe that if you hang on a little longer, all those could-bes will become real life. Then, another year passes by without any change. When do you decide to stop? When does reality finally outweigh the could-bes?

I, for one, took a long time to realize the difference. It's been a roller coaster ride and I guess I'll never really know when I'll truly overcome the fear of losing someone who I once thought meant the world to me. But maybe time will tell. And maybe, without realizing, with or without him..

I am getting better.

I am… okay.


Thursday, September 11, 2014

Back to Square One

I used to tie this song to you.
I thought I would never have to relate to this song again.
I guess now I'm back to square one.

Yet again.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014


"It's to dying in another's arms
And why I had to try it
It's to jimmy eat world
And those nights in my car
But this time I'm alone, and I don't see those stars
I'm not your star?
Isn't that what you said"

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Will I Ever Find This?

"I hope you fall in love
With someone who always texts back and never lets 
You fall asleep thinking you’re
I hope you fall in love with someone
Who holds your hand during the scary parts of
Horror movies and burns
Cookies with you when you’re 
Too busy dancing around the
I hope you fall in love with
Someone who sees galaxies in your eyes
And hears music in your
I hope you fall in love with someone who
Tickles you and makes you smile
On hard days and on easy
But beyond all that I hope
You fall in love with someone
Who will never leave you behind
And who will never take you
For granted, someone who
Will stand by you when you’re
Right and stand by you
When you’re wrong,
Someone who has seen you at your worst
And has loved you 
I hope you fall in love
With someone who
Kisses you in the rain
And hugs you in the cold and
Wouldn’t have you any other