What Are You Really In Love With?

We have all been in love with what could be instead of what exists right in front of us. It’s a hard concept for some of us to realize and sometimes, it is even tougher to let go of that concept because it becomes so real in our lives.

In my last relationship, I never realized the type of love my boyfriend and I really had. I thought we had the passion — that connection everyone dreams to have —, but looking back, I realize that false image was holding me onto a love that was not fulfilling my needs. I was in love with what could be instead of what really was.

I loved the idea of what we could be because my boyfriend sometimes revealed small glimpses of an amazing potential relationship, even though about 80 percent of the time, it was not a positive experience. I fell in love with the idea of those glimpses. I imagined that if he just did this or if he just changed that, everything would align and be perfect.

Two years later, I found myself still in love with those ideas, with more and more tears because it never became what could have been.

I told my friends about the simple things he did to show he cared. Since they were rare, when they happened, I wanted to prove that I had a great guy, regardless of what they thought. In reality, those little things should have happened regardless; they should not have been rare.

In a way, I was trying to prove that my friends were wrong about my boyfriend and simultaneously convince myself that I was right about him, too. I was trying to justify staying with a guy I loved, despite the fact that he only showed that he loved me part-time.

If you ever find yourself justifying your man’s actions or not wanting to share the truth about things he has said or done, chances are, you are in love with his could-bes. If you cling to every good thing he does until he does something else nice or brag-worthy, chances are you are in love with the “could be.”

I think that at least at one point in our lives, we all find a connection with someone who makes us feel something special, so we stay. But, we stay for all the wrong reasons and sometimes, it is only because of what could have been.

When we love someone, it is so easy for us to ignore what is missing and hold on to what is there or what could be there. It is our nature to want to see the best in people, and being in a relationship is no different. In fact, relationships may make that natural response even worse.

The love of what could have been is something that blindsides so many of us. You will not understand this concept until you finally realize one day that maybe, what you have been dealing with is just not for you anymore.

This is hard to realize because in the presence of intermittent “good stuff,” it can feel like a premature failure. You truly believe that if you hang on a little longer, all those could-bes will become real life. Then, another year passes by without any change. When do you decide to stop? When does reality finally outweigh the could-bes?

I, for one, took a long time to realize the difference. It's been a roller coaster ride and I guess I'll never really know when I'll truly overcome the fear of losing someone who I once thought meant the world to me. But maybe time will tell. And maybe, without realizing, with or without him..

I am getting better.

I am… okay.

:)

Back to Square One

I used to tie this song to you.
I thought I would never have to relate to this song again.
I guess now I'm back to square one.

Yet again.

Will I Ever Find This?

"I hope you fall in love
With someone who always texts back and never lets 
You fall asleep thinking you’re
Unwanted.
I hope you fall in love with someone
Who holds your hand during the scary parts of
Horror movies and burns
Cookies with you when you’re 
Too busy dancing around the
Kitchen.
I hope you fall in love with
Someone who sees galaxies in your eyes
And hears music in your
Heartbeats.
I hope you fall in love with someone who
Tickles you and makes you smile
On hard days and on easy
Ones.
But beyond all that I hope
You fall in love with someone
Who will never leave you behind
And who will never take you
For granted, someone who
Will stand by you when you’re
Right and stand by you
When you’re wrong,
Someone who has seen you at your worst
And has loved you 
Still.
I hope you fall in love
With someone who
Kisses you in the rain
And hugs you in the cold and
Wouldn’t have you any other
Way."

Anime Expo 2014

Pic stolen from Dania

Working at con was probably one of the best decisions I ever made. I am forever changed by the energy I get from my cosplay department and all the positive aura from everyone at con that leaves me glowing with joy for 5 days in a row. It's probably been the best week of my summer and I've made friendships that I know will last for a long, long time. People who've shared joy and pain, the ones I know I can count on and want to keep in my life.

I've learnt that the people you surround yourself with makes a difference in your life, make sure you choose the ones who give you a ton of positive energy.
I've learnt that it is possible to form the tightest knit friendships with people you just met.
I've learnt that working at con is a truly fun job, stressful- as it is STILL a job- but overall better than anything I could ever ask for.
I've learnt that everything will be *low voice* "fiiiine"

I've learnt that there are two types of people, people who don't give a shit and people who will take notice. Whether right or wrong, make sure you do what you want and the right people will fall into place.

I have learnt so much about responsibility, sewing, cosplaying, putting on a wig, customer service and have been bonding so much with my coworkers in the last five days.
They were such a huge part of my life that waking up today without them feels like a big chunk of myself has been taken away.

Much feels. Such emptiness. 

If you don't already know, I'm having post-con withdrawals.

I'm Rich!

I'm a billionaire!!

Is this real life?

No srsly tho..

Did this actually happen?!

I spent it all in an hour. Dw, I'm still a millionaire :p

One Crazy Step At A Time

In a perfect world, what would you do? Who would you be?

I've had people asking me this many times,
and it is this very question that persistently rings in my head time and time again.

"What makes me happy?"

and every time I find myself listing a bunch of things I enjoy doing, there will be a million more reasons why I shouldn't go through with that.
My biggest mistake is to ask for someone else's opinions before doing something that I really wanted to do. Why?
90% of the time I would most likely get discouraged and not follow through.

It was then that I realized the real question would be..

"What is stopping you?"

Fear.

Fear of failing. Fear of rejection. Fear of ridicule. Fear of criticism. Fear of not being good enough.

At least, those are mine.

I've made a resolution to be a better person this Summer. Someone who follows my dreams and does the impossible, even if I have to be my only supporter in things like this. After all, I can only get better, and everyone is bound to start somewhere. Should I not be able to follow through, at least I'd be proud to say that I've tried my best.

I have a lot of ideas and a lot of hobbies that I plan to see come to life this holiday. I'm facing my fears heads on and I guess I can't make a list of achievements until the end of Summer, but I definitely will. I plan to conquer at least 10 big things I've always wanted to do (but have always been afraid of), and facing my more smaller scale fears on a day to day basis.

Writing this down and publishing it to the world is my promise (and some pressure) I'd like to give to myself that I'd follow through with this. I'll leave it to you guys to judge how well I do ;)

Until then,

xoxo 

Princess Syara

2 Years

Sometimes I look back at all the things that has happened, what has changed and what remains.

And I suppose this is why I love taking videos.

It gives me the ability to freeze time and capture my memories,

so I could relive any moment again and again.

I guess you could sort of call it like eternalizing things that you hold dear.
People may change, time moves forward and never stops,

but the people in the video will always be as they once was, as you remembered it.

Only much clearer.

Choices

When the winds of change blows, there are two types of people. People who build walls or people who create windmills.

Have you heard of the old saying that the Universe has it's own way of bringing two things that are meant to be together and if fate has it that it is your's, it will be no matter how hard you push it away and if it isn't, it will never be?

Well I beg to differ.

I feel like to some extend the Universe.. God.. Whatever-whatchamacallit does have its plans for all of us. We are destined to be somebody, I am sure.

But I also do believe that you change your own fate depending on your attitude and what you do.

Number one. Gratuity and appreciation.

I can't say this enough, but I am a person who thrives on appreciation. If you acknowledge and appreciate the things I do for you or for myself, it just pushes me to want to be better and better and better. But I'm sensitive and weak against criticism (call it my kryptonite!) because it does get to me and makes my self confidence plummet to the ground. That's just the way I am.
But you know what? If I let that bother me I would've been dead by now. I'd probably go crazy like that UCSB dude and start shooting the world for being incessant assholes to me.

....But I know better.
Which brings me to my 2nd deal breaker...

Ignorance.

I choose to ignore the haters and live my life the way I want to. Because who's to decide what's good and what's not for me? If I believe I can do something, what makes you think I can't? If what I'm doing makes me happy, then who's to say I'm not doing the right thing? This is my life, not yours. Maybe you should worry about your own instead of what I do.

Fail or succeed, I learn from every decision or choice I make. And I believe that everyone deserves a second chance when they mess up. That's part of life, part of being human.

Always live with love, hope, passion, joy and respect.
Be nice, do the right thing and feel good about it. Avoid things that make you feel bad. Learn to put your foot down and say No if it makes you uncomfortable.
Question everything.
There is no way your life wouldn't go down the right path when you take everything in your stride with kindness, wisdom and a smile.

I think that whatever the universe has set for us is definitely not set in stone. It serves as a steady guideline, something to look forward to, but ultimately the decision is up to you on what the outcome is. Don't let the universe or religion or a higher authority or your friends or even your pet (wtf) tell you what to do. Go out there and be your own leader! Make a difference, make yourself happy.

Are you living the life you want to live?

Here's to the man who taught me to have my own principles and to take no crap from anyone. ---> 

(Not the most high & mighty pic but I think he's cuter in PJ's)
I love you Dad, 

Happy Father's Day.

Feeling Complete

I got an epiphany today.

When you date someone, what do you feel?
Butterflies in your tummy, ecstatic, like you're in Cloud 9?
Standard. As expected.

I heard that being in love tends to release endorphins in your body, the same hormones that makes you happy.

I think that while being in love, people tend to forget to love themselves.
How many times have you heard "I love him/her more than myself." or "I'm happy as long as he/she's happy"?

People tend to forget that having a boyfriend (or girlfriend) is more like a "power up" I would say, to make your (already interesting) life even more enjoyable. It isn't a necessity.

As much as you will eventually form a sort of telepathic sensitivity towards their moods or feelings as time passes by, it shouldn't affect who you are as a person. Of course, a single compliment from them means a lot more than recognitions from billions of strangers, and you'll find yourself wanting their acceptance in a lot of things but remember that you are still your own person. You don't need them to enjoy a vacation or something as little as a trip to the movies. If they're there, that's great. But if they're not, remember that they're people too with their own lives. Trust that if all the circumstances were right and they could be there, they would want to experience everything with you by their side too, but sometimes life gets in the way and you might have to do things like that separately. Do it anyway. Don't ever feel bitter if they're absent, it's not the end of the world.

Life is meant to be enjoyed. With or without that special someone.
Let them breathe, let them let you breathe.
Give love and give a lot of love. Give a lot of care and attention. But remember not to dedicate your whole life to a single person. I don't mean cheat on them of course, be loyal, be loyal to a fault. Be faithful, be kind.
What I meant was to give them a part of yourself, but your world is your world to conquer. (do I make sense?)
When they need their space, don't force them to stick to you like super glue. Let them breathe. Let them do what makes them happy. It gives you room to do what makes you happy too. Take advantage of that.

I think a relationship is meant for two people to co-exist, not for them to depend on each other for everything.

A perfect relationship in my head is when two amazing individuals pair up to make an electrifying team. Not a master and a puppy. If you get my metaphor. I want it to be like, I'm awesome, you're awesome, together we're better. Separate, we're still pretty darn awesome.

At least, for me, I want to be known as an interesting person, as myself, as Syara.
And not only be recognized as someone's girlfriend.

I want to be known for my quirks, my thoughts about the world, and all my creations that I'd like to share. My positivity, my warmth. And all my little visions and footprints that I hope would make the world a better place.

I guess what I'm trying to say is..

Be your own person.
Don't be afraid to be special.
Let your special someone find YOU special.
and of course, return the favor and make your special someone also feel special.

Because we are all unique and amazing and filled with so much life.

Each and every one of us, (even you who's reading this)
YOU are worth so much more and you know it.

Hope this jumpstarts your weekend with a bang.

Love always,
xoxo
Princess S

Being Your Own Worst Enemy.. Or a Lover?

"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes." - William Gibson

Hello.

I have been walking around in circles trying to decide what to spend my time on. Holidays has always been a time where one can relax and unwind, travel, go on a vacation, spend time with loved ones and make lots of good memories.. My holiday has been rather slow, with nothing to do and just long days of not having anyone to talk to.

I feel like when I'm alone, I turn into my own worst enemy.

I start overthinking-- judging, scrutinizing and criticizing my own life. I start assuming the worst out of everything and feeling not worthy of anyone's time, and the next thing I know, I curl into my own little shell in my room and start crying for problems that don't even exist in the first place.

Has anyone else ever felt that way?

I have to remember that each and every one of us are fighting our own battles, and our problems may not be of significance to other people, just as their's may not be of our concern.

It is rather magical though, when our problems relate, because that could be the bud of a wonderful bond that could be formed through talking and supporting each other in that particular topic, and the next thing you know, a friendship blooms.

Just like that, the loneliness disappears.

Everyone wants to be loved.

I guess this is what it means to be human. We all want to be appreciated, in some shape or form, one way or the other.

Funny how life works.

Sorry guys, just being little miss sad pants today.

xoxo
Syara